Confusion and Fear

Two feelings occur when something unexpected happens. First, confusion, and then fear creeps in.

Today, in my country’s capital, gunmen shot and and killed Sergeant at Arms Kevin Vickers. He was a soldier standing on guard responsible for safeguarding the authority of the House of Commons. The fact that this happened on Canadian soil blows my mind. Canadians think – this is what happens in the US, not here. It’s hard to digest and comprehend such a surprise.

How could this happen? How could people dare try to take away the sense of security that Canadians are known for? Shock and dismay. I’m not going to buy a gun or stop trusting people as a result, but it stings. We have to be brave and honour the sacrifice that was made today.

My heart goes out to everyone involved.

 

Dance for me, I like to watch

In 2005 I attended Pop Montreal and saw one of my favourite bands named Pony Up! They’re a group of four ladies who don’t sing baby doll songs, instead their lyrics are always poignant and draw me in with soft harmonies.

I love this song and the perfect pain of temptation. Again, another song perfect for Darien and Justice. I can’t wait till I’m done with all my changes and my story is live. I’m guessing it’s going to be another six months easily. By the time I get my edits, let’s say three weeks, to the time I complete all the updates, and not to mention that I’ll have it reviewed one more time to make sure I didn’t miss something…yeah, six months sounds about right. Sigh.

Pony Up! – Dance For Me Lyrics

Artist: Pony Up!

Album: Make Love To The Judges With Your Eyes

Genre: Rock

You rode in on a horse
And I took him down
I left you to walk alone
I left you on the ground

Dance for me, I like to watch
I’ve got that look in my eyes
And you know that I could eat you alive
You know that I could just take you inside

The parting of the double ruby pout of his lips seemed to exhale an air sweeter than it drew in, oh, what does it cost me to refrain the so tempted kiss

 

But I’m sick of myself when I look at you

Every so often a song comes on while I’m writing and I have to stop and listen while it takes me back to a specific place and time in my life. This particular song brings me back to high school and I was so insanely happy. I love the deep feelings these lyrics emote from me. I can listen to this song on repeat for hours. I suppose while writing scenes with Justice and Darien I have to keep in mind my high school love and how just the thought of him made me tingle. To bring myself back to my first love is bittersweet to say the least, but I want to have the same passion and unbridled raw emotion that teenagers have.

I hope this song can do that for someone too.

Matthew Sweet – Sick Of Myself Lyrics

You don’t know how you move me
deconstruct me and consume me.
I’m all used up, I’m out of luck I am star struck
By something in your eyes
that is keeping my hope alive.But I’m sick of myself when I look at you
something is beautiful and true.
World that’s ugly and a lie
it’s hard to even want to try.
I’m beginning to think
maybe you don’t know.I’ll take a leave, the room to breathe
The choice to leave it
I’ll throw away a chance at greatness just to make this
dream come into play
I don’t know if I’ll find a way’Cause I’m sick of myself when I look at you
something is beautiful and true.
World that’s ugly and a lie
it’s hard to even want to try.
I’m beginning to think
maybe you don’t know.I’m beginning to think
maybe you don’t know.

Something in your eyes
that is keeping my hope alive.

But I’m sick of myself when I look at you
something is beautiful and true.
World that’s ugly and a lie
it’s hard to even want to try.
I’m beginning to think
maybe you don’t know.

I’m beginning to think
maybe you don’t know.

 

Don’t lie to me

There’s really nothing worse than false hope and fake people. One of my fears is that people around me are too shy and or kind to tell me my work stinks. This doesn’t do either party a favour. Instead, it gives me a warped sense of self and that’s not what I need in a market that is known to be harsh. It’s better to know the truth and not be surprised afterwards.

Final Word Count: 191, 913

I almost forgot to mention my word count before I submitted my story to my editor. I am rather surprised it got this high. I had three different word counts in Scrivener and then when I copied/pasted my story into Word the final number was 191, 913. Linda Bloodworth word count

 

Provided that my editor cuts down 10,000 words or so, my story is considered an epic length. It’s taken me two years to get to this point. I think I’ve learned a thing or two about writing a story, but I won’t be surprised if this second book takes the same time.

I’m incredibly excited for my second story. I’m already 2,600 words into it. Thing is, I’m not a planner, I’m a “write by the seat of my pants” kind of writer. I have no idea what I’m going to do and that in itself excites me.

The only thing I do know is no one is safe. I am going to take good advice literally. “In writing, you must kill your darlings.” –William Faulkner. This refers to using flowery prose and overusing phrases. What I am going to do is kill my favourite characters. I want the story to convey danger, tension, and uncertainty. I want there to be an element of worry for the reader. Will their favourite survive? Will anyone? Oh, it’s going to be so much fun!

 

 

Novel Writing: The Fear

There’s a fear, when writing, of not being accepted, being laughed at, and being complete and utter garbage. I’ve researched quite a few indie novels now and I find 98% of them I cannot complete, the other two percent surprise me by being real novels. The sad thing about indie books is that I find them incredibly disappointing. Often the authors just haven’t taken steps to refine their idea through editing, beta reading, and the like. We all have stories to tell, but taking the steps to make sure your story comes across properly in a cohesive manner is another thing.

Being another story that no one wants to read, that no one thinks is worth a damn, is a huge realistic fear. This is why I’ve taken the time, the steps, the precautions to make my story worthy. I’ve torn my hair out, worn my heart on my sleeve, and given into the voices of doubt many times. The only way to overcome such fear is to face it, deal with it, and kick it in the face.

The horror show that Goodreads has becomes makes me hesitant to bother with it. I know that I’ve done the best I can and I’m strong enough to stand up to these bullies, but I also want to protect myself and not indulge that negative behaviour. Giving a book a one star review before it’s even been published? Following authors around and bashing them? No thank you. I’ll cross that bridge if I come to it, but for now I haven’t the slightest interest.

It all comes down to producing a quality story that people can relate to on a deep level. I want my characters to stay with people and become real. If that means I have to edit my story five times so be it. Whatever it takes to avoid the pitfalls of the fledgling author. I refuse to fall prey to things I can fix. I don’t want to be blanketed with the cloak of ‘another crappy indie author’.

There have been articles about indie writers taking over the market in good and bad ways. I cringe when I see some of the bad examples, then I wonder, am I far from that? What makes my story so different? Will some decent editing make it any better? Too many factors to determine what people find pleasing. It’s a matter of doing your best and whatever pleases you should be good enough.

Top 5 Hallowe’en Movies

Hallowe’en is a great time of year. Nothing like the rush of filling a pillow case full of candy. Sigh. I really enjoyed that. As I’m not really the trick or treat age anymore, I’ve found that spending the night with scary ass movies works just fine.

Here’s a list of my favourite Hallowe’en movies:

1. Donnie Darko:

This movie has everything: awesome 80’s soundtrack, time travel, Jake Gyllenhaal, a sassy gym teacher who gets told a thing or two, Patrick Swayze, and a love story. My character Moira quotes this to my main character Justice. I love this quote, it seriously makes me laugh every time. Oh – the movie climax takes place on Hallowe’en night.

2. The Suicide Club

This movie was seriously messed up. I just didn’t understand why people would do this, but then again I’m not in that mind frame. It was an incredibly odd film, but it really is a mind fuck if you’re into that kind of thing.

3. The Others

I won’t give it away for anyone who hasn’t watched this movie, but it seriously impressed me. I usually don’t like Nicole Kidman all that much, but I actually believed she cared for these children. The premise is there are ghosts living in the house with the family. It’s terrifying in a psychological way and I cannot get some of the images out of my mind.

4. American Psycho Where to begin with this movie? Christian Bale plays a powerful investment banker who is obsessed with business cards, Huey Lewis and the News, and being able to one up his ‘friends’. Not only is a raging psycho who goes on a killing spree, but he’s so calm about it. I suppose that is what some crazy people are like? I have to say it’s a dark movie, but I can totally see how all the events build up to drive the main character nuts. It’s so well done and thought out. Highly recommend it.

5. Coraline

Don’t be fooled with the animation. Coraline is hardly a kid’s movie. I found it rather disturbing and I don’t even want to go on about it.

All in all, Halloween comes in different forms. For some it’s a cute costume, and candy. Just depends what you’re into.