Radioactive! Radioactive!

When songs hit me hard I listen to them over and over again to achieve that pain, to feel that hurt, to cut another vein. One such song is Imagine Dragons – Radioactive

Every time I face a blank page or edit my existing writing I am cutting deep to the bone. If I could physically manifest what my imagination looks like I’d look like a cutting victim. I cannot stand the sight of blood in real life, but there’s something raw about how I feel during writing.

Lyrics of songs I love run through my head:
I want to live, breathe, I want to a be a part of the human race.

I want to live, not just survive.

I feel it all, I feel it all…

It’s looking like a limb torn off
Or altogether just taken apart
We’re reeling through an endless fall
We are the ever-living ghost of what once was

But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one’s gonna love you more than I do

It’s all too much some days. My writing trance wraps a hold so strong. Feeling so much, writing too fast, wanting to scream from the frustration of not writing fast enough! It hurts, it burns, it has to get out and it better be right. Splitting at the seams with emotions. Almost an interpretive dance running through my mind.

Feeling my heart beat, listening to my blood rush through my veins and arteries, alive, I am a life.

I write with fire, I write with gusto, I write with my heart. Sometimes I feel like I’m bowled over with emotions. It just takes a simple thing like a flower or a single word and I’m off to another place in my mind. I am free, free to express, free to try and free to die. No fear, no regrets, no loss.

I have to laugh in the face of failure as I’ve already won my battle.

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