Growing up in the 90’s I loved the Grunge movement. I wore so much plaid it was obnoxious. The day I stopped wearing baggy jeans guys actually asked me if I lost 10lbs. I didn’t want them to see my body, as a teenager, I was so self conscious. I just didn’t want to be noticed. I listened to angry rock and one of my heroes was Courtney Love. I started wearing plastic barrettes in my hair to school and rocking the tie WAY before Avril. I believe she was in elementary school at that point.
Anyway, nothing understood me like my music did. The crescendo of the drums, the wah wah of the guitars, the beat of the bass, all of it in tune with my heartbeat. I lived for music, concerts were the be all end all and life wouldn’t go on if I didn’t attend.
The intensity of life, the passion of it all, the unknown was scary and yet I tried to be brave in the face of it all.
I met my first boyfriend and he was so mysterious. He made my heart beat and my knees weak. He gave me hope and made me feel brave. With him I could do anything. It was the bitter break up after that made me realize I was who I was because of my own beliefs. It wasn’t anything to do with relying on someone else.
That night I knew the average life I was going to have with him was over and the dream was dead. It was time for a change, and my music got me through it. I relied on my anger to fuel me and it wasn’t a healthy period. Thankfully, things changed, but my music was always there, my faithful companion.
Thank you to all the musicians who will never know what they meant to a scared and confused kid.