Let’s face it; writing is a rollercoaster. Especially when developing characters of whom, as a writer, you torture in strange ways. Yesterday, I wrote a scene that honestly made me terribly sad, but I think it was necessary. What happened you ask? I basically hurt a character in a graphic way and the emotional exchange between these two characters was hard for me to write. It was as if I had hurt a family member and was explaining their pain to the world.
Sure, that sounds nutty, but I love these characters and they’re a very real part of me. I’d love to hang out with them. Like L. Frank Baum, the author of the Oz series, who said with his dying breath, “Now we can cross the Shifting Sands,” I hope their world is my afterlife.
I have no doubt that readers will cry at this point in the story as it is rather moving. What amazes me is that I have the power to do just that. With my words, I can make people actually feel something. Just incredible really. When I think of all the authors who have touched me I am in awe of that ability. I never thought I’d be able to wield such a power, but here we are. I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised, but still.
Therein lies the imposter syndrome I suffer from.
For the past, oh gosh, is it four years now, I’ve been a professional writer in my real life. This was a huge switch from the account service/marketing work I had been doing. It still shocks me that I can be introduced as a Content Writer. I feel like my boss will wake up one day and tell me I’m a fraud and I’m fired. But no, this is legit, I’m doing this, and it’s for real. Sometimes, that afraid feeling gets in the way and I have a difficult time putting words on the page.
Writing has been the only thing that has been a constant in my life and frankly it’s saved me a few times. I’m incredibly fortunate enough to be a writer in my professional and personal life. Even though I criticise each sentence I write and double think things till the cows come home. I worry about my grammar if I’m splitting infinitives and if I have the right punctuation. Honestly, it’s exhausting. Even after I’ve hit publish I’ll go through this post and think oh, I should fix that, what I was I thinking, that’s such an obvious mistake. Bah. Maybe this time I won’t! There. Take that, brain!
I’ve also managed to hit 35,000 words, which is amazing in itself. I am gaining momentum, in a slow, sluggish fashion and that’s good enough for me right now.